Mr. and Mrs. Every - A Morality Play
A Morality Play
Kate Bluett
CHARACTERS
DEUS
EVANGEL
MAN
WOMAN
PRIDE; A sword in a scabbard hangs from his belt.
HUMILITY; She carries a long-stemmed red rose.
(Downstage left is the edge of an enormous wheel—like something Sisyphus might push up a hill. The actors should be able to descend easily into the audience.)
(DEUS stands alone, up stage center.)
DEUS
I am the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the goal of all. In the rising of the sun and in its setting, in the spinning of the world and in the stillness of the stars, I have written “A” and “O” for all who choose to read. I am your upspringing, just as I am your descent. I am your origin and your evolution. I am. “Alpha” and “Omega” I have inscribed indelibly on the hearts of all my creatures. These letters and a thousand, million more I have engraved in human minds. Oh, the glory of the words I’ve sent them! But to them alone I gave the gift of writing; to them alone I gifted pens and ink. And now upon their hearts and minds they’ve written reams, and when they look to read the “A” and “O” they find the letters smudged and indistinct. And then they call. How they call, no longer knowing even the letters of my being! They spin words, hoping to hit on the right pronunciation, or pronounce my death at the hands of time. Or accuse me of nonbeing. But I am. And I hear. And I always answer. Evangel!
(EVANGEL enters near DEUS.)
EVANGEL
Yes, my lord?
DEUS
Go. You hear desire, and you know my will.
(Spotlight up on MAN, standing alone stage right.)
MAN
Hello? Here I am; I came. I made it. I... Did you call, or was I hearing things? Hello? Where are you? Hey! Answer me. You’re not even here, are you? Because you wouldn’t just sit there if you were; you’d say something. So either you’re not here or you’re ignoring me. Of course, you wouldn’t ignore someone you cared about. So you must not care. Or you’re angry—What’d I do? I didn’t mean to offend you, you know. Whatever it was I did. And you know it perfectly well. All right, fine, I’m sorry. All right? I’m sorry. Truly, deeply sorry. I offended you, and I apologize. Now... Say something!
EVANGEL
To him alone?
DEUS
To each in due season.
MAN
Fine. Do you want me to go away? I’ll leave, then; I’ll go, and I won’t go singing your praises, either. Not that it’ll matter what I say; everyone will know. They’ll take one look at me and then they’ll talk. They’ll talk about you. They’ll tell each other what a bastard you’ve been. Do you want to prove them right? Throw me a bone—toss me a crumb—say anything!—and I won’t let them talk about you like that. Just give me one word. One. Don’t you know how I long for a word from you? That I long for you? If you’re not here, then what’s the point? I’m dying, here. You want me to leave? I’m not leaving. I demand an answer, and I’m going to stand here until I get one.
DEUS
Go, my good and faithful servant, and lead him.
EVANGEL
By what road?
DEUS
By one I will show you.
EVANGEL
Yes, my lord.
(EVANGEL crosses down to MAN.)
EVANGEL
Rejoice!
MAN
Who are you?
(Spotlight up on WOMAN, downstage left. She is learning against the edge of the wheel. EVANGEL notices her.)
EVANGEL
Go to her.
MAN
Excuse me?
EVANGEL
Go. To. Her.
MAN
Her who?
EVANGEL
(pointing) Her.
MAN
Oh.
EVANGEL
Yes.
MAN
Her.
EVANGEL
Bring her here.
MAN
Me?
EVANGEL
You.
MAN
I can’t. I don’t know who she is, and I don’t know where she is, so—
EVANGEL
I’ll take you to her, then.
MAN
Who are you?
EVANGEL
I’m speaking to you.
MAN
I’d noticed that.
EVANGEL
I’m answering.
MAN
You’re—what?
EVANGEL
Shall we go now?
MAN
Why do I have to go?
EVANGEL
So you can bring her here. Weren’t you listening?
MAN
Yes. Somewhat. But I don’t even know her. She doesn’t know me.
EVANGEL
Then I'll introduce you.
MAN
I’ll make a fool of myself.
EVANGEL
Women like men who make them laugh.
MAN
She won’t come with me.
EVANGEL
Of course she will.
MAN
Says you.
EVANGEL
Which is worth something. She’ll come if you speak to her. You think you’re the only one waiting for a response?
MAN
No, but I’m not a good answer.
EVANGEL
Says you, which is worth little. Let’s go. Do you want to serve her or not?
MAN
I’m not much in favor of serving anybody.
EVANGEL
Then I pity you and bid you farewell.
MAN
But she seems—I don’t know. I’ll come with you. How do we get to her?
EVANGEL
(pointing to the audience) We must seek her out.
MAN
There’s too many of them—we’ll never find her.
EVANGEL
We will be shown the way. Have faith.
MAN
I guess we’d better go.
(MAN and EVANGEL descend into the audience to search. WOMAN straightens up from the wheel before speaking.)
WOMAN
I am tired. Weary in soul and body. I have worked. I have made my home. I have made my name. I have made myself sick with sleepless nights and days not eating. I have done all that is required, though, and in the morning I will rise and do it all again. The chain of necessary tasks has no final link. It goes on and on. But at one end is the anchor; at the other, I am told, rests the ship—if I lose hold the ship is lost. But there is no one who helps me; there is no one who will grant me reprieve from this endless toil. There is no peace; there are a million tiny panics. At least I’m strong; I have not faltered beneath this weight and I will not. But it would be nice to rest, perhaps in someone’s arms. To give comfort, instead of always longing for it. To be other than alone.
(From the audience, PRIDE approaches WOMAN.)
WOMAN
Who are you?
PRIDE
I’ve come to help you.
WOMAN
Thank you! But how did you know I needed help?
PRIDE
I heard your cries, my child; I heard the longing of your heart. You called out for assistance; you called out for a partner. Did you not?
WOMAN
And you have come to help me?
PRIDE
I suffer to see you suffer, dearest.
WOMAN
You have come to help me bear the burden?
PRIDE
I have come to give you strength.
WOMAN
I sorely need it.
PRIDE
As do all necessary links.
WOMAN
I am so glad to see you. Come and put your shoulder to the wheel with me.
PRIDE
Oh.
WOMAN
What?
PRIDE
I’d no idea.
WOMAN
What’s wrong? Too large?
PRIDE
I had not seen how weak you had become, sweet sister. I did not know your strength had faded so, so much.
WOMAN
It’s not so bad. It’s just that I’m tired.
PRIDE
And this is enough to stop you? Oh, my poor dear, do sit down and rest yourself.
WOMAN
Well, um, thank you.
PRIDE
Let me take these burdens off your withered shoulders while you sleep.
WOMAN
Withered?
PRIDE
Let me uplift the cares from your old, worn body.
WOMAN
Old?
PRIDE
You shall have nothing to trouble you in your fading years.
WOMAN
I’m not that tired.
PRIDE
No?
WOMAN
And I’m certainly not withered.
PRIDE
My mistake.
WOMAN
All I wanted was a little help, but if you’re going to be like that—
PRIDE
My darling, I meant no disrespect. But you had me worried. I thought things had gotten bad indeed if you would stoop to asking help. I know the burden is great, but surely for a woman such as yourself—I mean, it couldn’t possibly be beyond you.
WOMAN
It’s not. No, no, no. Not at all.
PRIDE
I’m so relieved to hear it.
WOMAN
You just looked like you wanted something to do.
PRIDE
I want to cheer you on.
WOMAN
Oh, by all means.
PRIDE
Excellent. I know sometimes it can be tempting to give in, to listen to the little voices that tell us, Let it go, put it down, seek refuge. But that is weakness calling to you. Fight the good fight, sister; don’t give in.
WOMAN
I wouldn’t dream of it.
PRIDE
I’m so glad to hear that. Now, put your shoulder to that wheel and show me what you’ve got!
WOMAN
Here goes.
(WOMAN once again leans against the wheel, pushing against it. It does not budge. Meanwhile, MAN and EVANGEL make their way through the audience toward the WOMAN.)
MAN
I thought you said we’d be shown the way.
EVANGEL
We’ve made it this far, haven’t we?
MAN
But we haven’t found her. We haven’t even come close.
EVANGEL
If you don’t know where she is, how do you know how far we are from her?
PRIDE
Give it another try, my lovely!
WOMAN
Give me a moment to catch my breath.
MAN
Did you hear that?
PRIDE
If you insist. But I’ve seen few things in my life as inspiring as the sight of you in full swing. Go on; give it another try.
WOMAN
Hold on to your hat; this time, I take no prisoners.
MAN
There! But who’s that with her? You didn’t tell me she had a boyfriend.
EVANGEL
My sources say she doesn’t.
MAN
I’ll get to the bottom of this.
(MAN climbs onstage and approaches PRIDE. EVANGEL makes his way onto the stage, down center, where he sits and waits for MAN.)
MAN
Excuse me!
PRIDE
Yes?
MAN
Friend of the lady’s, are you?
PRIDE
You could say that. Bosom buddies is more like it.
MAN
So, you’d probably know whether or not she’s seeing anyone.
PRIDE
As it happens, I do. And she is. It’s a shame, really. He’s not good enough for her. I mean, take a look, my friend.
MAN
She’s beautiful.
PRIDE
And strong. And smart. And talented. She’s no ordinary woman. And who’s she hooked up with? Some jerk who talks a good game but never keeps his promises, who’ll leave her in the dirt if something better comes along. Unfortunately for her, there is nothing better. He’ll never leave.
MAN
Why does she stay with him?
PRIDE
Why do women do anything?
MAN
Yeah, but you said she was smart.
PRIDE
Oh, she is.
MAN
Not that smart, apparently.
PRIDE
Well, everyone’s got her own little foibles.
MAN
If a better man came along, do you think she’d…
PRIDE
Go to him? I suppose that would depend on the man. Who did you have in mind? You’re doing great, honey!
MAN
If a better man came along, do you think she’d...
PRIDE
Go to him? I suppose that would depend on the man. Who did you have in mind? You’re doing great, honey!
WOMAN
Oh, I haven’t even gotten started!
MAN
Well, me, for example.
PRIDE
Let me take a look at you. Turn around slowly. Not bad, not bad at all. I’d even go so far as to say pretty good. Still, she’s sold on her current beau.
MAN
But I’ve got things going for me.
PRIDE
Anyone can see that. But she’s not looking.
MAN
I’m better than he is, you said so yourself.
PRIDE
You’re ten times better at least. You must have to beat the girls off with a stick.
MAN
Well, I don’t like to brag.
WOMAN
I’m having a breakthrough over here!
PRIDE
That’s incredible! I’m so proud of you!
MAN
What’s she doing?
PRIDE
She’s a busy woman, lots of responsibilities, thinks they’re important.
MAN
I’m standing right here and she hasn’t even seen me.
PRIDE
Up to her eyeballs in work.
MAN
Talk about self-absorbed.
PRIDE
She prefers the term “driven.”
MAN
And she expects me to just stand here waiting for her to notice me? Does she think she’s the only woman in the world?
PRIDE
She prefers the term “driven.”
MAN
And she expects me to just stand here waiting for her to notice me? Does she think she’s the only woman in the world?
PRIDE
Plenty of fish in the sea. And for a good-looking guy like yourself, fishing should be no problem.
MAN
You’re damned right it’s no problem!
WOMAN
You should really see me now!
PRIDE
Lookin’ good!
MAN
I won’t stand for this. You know, I was hoping to find a woman who could be my equal, but I’m not sure I could have a real relationship with a woman who doesn’t share my level of intelligence. Thanks, man. Thanks for keeping me from making the biggest mistake of my life.
PRIDE
My pleasure.
(MAN returns to EVANGEL.)
EVANGEL
You didn’t bring her.
MAN
She’s not worth it.
EVANGEL
Says you.
MAN
Which is worth quite a lot. Let’s go.
EVANGEL
What’s gotten into you?
MAN
You were wrong about her.
EVANGEL
Did you talk to her?
MAN
I didn’t have to. Let’s go back.
EVANGEL
Something’s gone wrong.
MAN
Yeah, your “guidance” never showed up, and we found the wrong woman.
EVANGEL
I don’t believe that. We are guided; we shall be shown what further steps to take. We shall ask, and we shall be answered.
MAN
I thought you were my answer.
EVANGEL
I don’t believe that. We are guided; we shall be shown what further steps to take. We shall ask, and we shall be answered.
MAN
I thought you were my answer.
EVANGEL
And where is hers?
(HUMILITY enters near DEUS.)
DEUS
Go to them and teach them, little one, the way of victory.
(HUMILITY bows and crosses downstage to EVANGEL and MAN.)
EVANGEL
Aha! I knew that help would come.
MAN
This can’t be the right woman. She’s too plain to be the one you showed me.
EVANGEL
Handsome is as handsome does. Look, she wants to tell you something.
(HUMILITY gestures to MAN to come closer. The closer he comes, the lower she shrinks, still beckoning, until he is at last forced to his knees. She straightens.)
MAN
Oh. I can see her now.
EVANGEL
Not so homely, huh?
MAN
Not in the least.
(HUMILITY points to PRIDE; MAN turns to look.)
EVANGEL
What do you see?
MAN
That I’ve been a fool. I should go to her and beg forgiveness, grovel at her feet until she spares one word for me. I have wronged her.
EVANGEL
Go, then, if you can get past her pride.
(MAN, on his hands and knees, crawls toward WOMAN.)
PRIDE
You are just incredible, you know that? The weight of the world is on your shoulders, and you don’t even break a sweat.
WOMAN
Impressive, isn’t it?
PRIDE
No one can compare to you; no one can even come close.
MAN
Forgive me.
WOMAN
What? Who are you?
PRIDE
Where did you come from?
MAN
I came in under your radar. Forgive me, dearest one, I have wronged you.
WOMAN
I've never even met you.
MAN
Because I refused to meet you. I thought you were beneath me. Now I want nothing more than to be lower than you.
WOMAN
That’s ridiculous. Stand up.
MAN
Not until you’ve forgiven me.
WOMAN
Why would I forgive a jerk? Stand up, and then go away. I have work to do.
PRIDE
Right on!
MAN
Allow me to serve you.
WOMAN
I don’t need your help; I don’t need anybody’s help.
MAN
I know. But accept it as my gift.
(Still on his knees, MAN puts his shoulder to the wheel.)
WOMAN
Now there’s no room for me.
PRIDE
Tell him to lick your boots while he’s down there.
WOMAN
I think that’s going a little too far.
MAN
You could sit down and rest.
PRIDE
He should be your footstool.
MAN
If you'd like.
WOMAN
That won’t be necessary. Where can I sit?
MAN
There’s nowhere but the ground. It’s not so bad, though.
PRIDE
It’s not good enough for you.
WOMAN
I’m tired of standing, and I want to sit down. So I will.
(She does.)
Oh.
MAN
I know.
WOMAN
He’s really awful, isn’t he?
MAN
Especially since he kept me away from you. If we stay down here, though, he might leave us alone.
WOMAN
What about my work?
MAN
I can take care of it for you.
(HUMILITY approaches PRIDE.)
PRIDE
What do you want?
WOMAN
What’s she doing? He’ll clobber her.
MAN
She’s stronger than she looks. /p>
PRIDE
Go away, little girl. I have bigger fish to fry.
(HUMILITY holds out her rose like a rapier.)
PRIDE
Don’t make me laugh.
EVANGEL
This is no laughing matter; you might want to defend yourself.
(HUMILITY flourishes her rose. PRIDE draws his sword.)
PRIDE
Very well. Let’s make this short.
(PRIDE strikes HUMILITY, who makes no move to defend herself. She is unaffected by the blow.)
PRIDE
The strong, silent type, huh? This will make you shout.
(The same thing happens again.)
That’s impossible—why isn’t she bleeding?
EVANGEL
She is Humility, and not a thing you do can touch her. She has no ego to bruise, no pride to wound. She is nobody, and your sword passes through her as through the air, harmlessly. She is nothing, and there is nothing you can do to her.
PRIDE
We’ll see about that.
(PRIDE lunges at HUMILITY to strike. She grabs hold of his sword and pulls him toward her, raising her rose. When he is in reach, she strikes him with the rose.)
PRIDE
Ow!
EVANGEL
You, on the other hand, being full of self are full of that which can be wounded.
(She strikes him again.)
PRIDE
I’m bleeding!
EVANGEL
And you are powerless against her.
(She strikes a third time; he drops his sword.)
PRIDE
You’re cheating! You’ve drugged me, or something. There’s no way she’s that strong. Look at her!
WOMAN
I am, and I see a strength I envy.
PRIDE
Do me a favor, darling. You’re sisters: go to her and get her to whisper the secret of her power in your ear. Then come and tell me what it is.
WOMAN
I already know it.
PRIDE
Tell me!
WOMAN
It’s not being you. (She turns to MAN.) I think it’s time to go.
PRIDE
But what about your work? Your glorious work? Your monument, that generations to come will look upon and call you blessed?
MAN
I’ll build it if you want me to.
WOMAN
It’s not that important. Come with me, and help me build anew.
MAN
I will.
(WOMAN and MAN crawl on hands and knees toward EVANGEL and HUMILITY.)
PRIDE
You can’t get rid of me that easily, you know. I’ll sneak back in when you’re not looking, and take a stronger hold than ever before. And even if I can’t have you, do you think I’ve lost? (He points to the audience.) There are still plenty of fish in the sea, and my nets are wide. I’ll still have a fine catch at the end of the day.
(PRIDE exits through the audience. HUMILITY places her hands on the heads of MAN and WOMAN.)
EVANGEL
She has won the battle for you, but you must fight the war. Never forget or abandon her, and remain faithful soldiers in her army; be conquered by her, and you will never be conquered by another. None of you fighting under her standard can fall.
(HUMILITY helps MAN and WOMAN to stand. Then she crosses toward DEUS.)
EVANGEL
And as surely as she will protect you from harm, she will lead you home.
MAN
My prayer has been answered.
WOMAN
And mine.
MAN
Come with me, beloved, and be always for me the face of God, a sign of the love that spoke to me, that bears with me and teaches me to bear.
WOMAN
I will, if you will be for me the hand that bears me up and the voice that speaks His love to me.
MAN
I will.
DEUS
Then go, my blessed children, and know that my name is Love, already written on your hearts in letters that glow humbly bright. Write not over them, nor erase them, but blow on the embers and burn thyself in sacrifice, one to another. And thou shalt be welcome home.
MAN and WOMAN
Amen.
(They exit stage left.)
EVANGEL
(to audience) And go you all with hearts as torches likewise burning bright. This dark and ink-stained world needs light.
(EVANGEL crosses upstage to DEUS.)
(Blackout.)
THE END