Seven Theological Lessons from Lady Bird
Lady Bird is one of the hottest films in theatres today and it holds the highest all-time ranking on Rotten Tomatoes. A lot of writers have written a lot of things about this coming-of-age film by Greta Gerwig, so rather than offering a traditional review, I want to simply highlight seven theological lessons from the film. (If you haven’t seen Lady Bird yet, I advise you to see the film before you continue reading.)
Identity and meaning are discovered, not manufactured. ‘Lady Bird’ is the name that Christine McPherson ( Saoirse Ronan) gives herself. Biblically speaking, names have meaning and a name is always given to one by another; it’s not the sort of thing one gives oneself. But early in the film, Lady Bird, desiring both self-creation and autonomy, explains, “I gave it to myself. I gave it to me, by me.” This attempt at self-creation and self-sufficiency is as old as The Fall, but it really picked up momentum with the likes of Descartes and Machiavelli in the modern era. Both Descartes and Machiavelli rejected the classical approach of using one’s rationality to contemplate reality and one’s will to cooperate with it. Rather, modernity favors using rationality and will to overpower nature and insists that real freedom is found in the power of the self. By the end of the film, far away from her parents who named her, Lady Bird calls home and leaves a message on the answering machine for her mother: “It’s Christine. You gave it to me. It’s a good name.” One’s true identity is always discovered; it’s never fabricated.
The world is fallen and messy. In the opening scene of Lady Bird, Marion McPherson (Laurie Metcalf) and her daughter Lady Bird are about to leave their hotel room, but Marion insists on making the bed before they depart. Finding such action futile, as housekeeping will eventually strip the bed and remake it with new sheets for the next guest, Lady Bird chides her mother, to which her mother responds, “It’s nice to make things neat and clean.” All human beings have a desire for order; we want things neat and clean. But the fact is that we live in a fallen world in need of redemption; our lives are often very messy and far from perfection. This is why when God comes to save us he enters into the world in a less than ideal situation, being born in a stable, which is a pretty chaotic start. But that chaos (sin) is ours, and he chooses to enter it just as he enters into all things human, including death itself on the cross of Calvary to save us from it. One of the first steps in the spiritual life is to acknowledge our spiritual sickness so that we can welcome the One who can heal us. But if we don’t know we’re sick, and if we don’t admit that we’re sick, then we will never find true healing.
There is a difference between love and like, but both are important. My favorite scene in Lady Bird takes place when Lady Bird and her mother are dress shopping for prom. From behind the dressing room door Lady Bird informs her mother, “I want you to like me.” Her mother replies that she does love her and that she wants her to become the best version of herself. Lady Bird opens the dressing room door, looks at her mom and says, “But I want you to like me.” Love is a choice, a decision, an act of the will; it’s not a feeling or an emotion. Thomas Aquinas teaches us that love is willing the good of the other for the sake of the other. This is why Jesus can insist that we love our enemies, and why many have observed that loving our enemies doesn’t mean that we necessarily have to like them. However, when it comes to familial relationships and friendships, as much as we desire to be loved, we also desire to be liked. We want others to enjoying being with us. This is why Pope Francis has taught that not only does God love us, but that God also likes us! In the Book of the Prophet Isaiah we hear God call Israel, “My Delight.” If you’ve experienced someone loving you and liking you at the same time, you know something true about how God looks upon us.
The grass is brown on both sides. Lady Bird’s family is a working class family. Her mother works double shifts as a nurse in the psychiatric unit and her father can’t keep a job due to his depression. Although she herself is not Catholic, Lady Bird attends Immaculate Heart of Mary, an all-girls Catholic school because the Sacramento public high schools have a history of violence, according to her mother. When Lady Bird runs into her crush, Danny O’Neill (Lucas Hedges) at the grocery store, she tells him that she lives “on the wrong side of the tracks.” Lady Bird didn’t know the significance of this statement at the time, but as the film unfolds she comes to understand its pejorative nature. However, she also learns that “the grass is brown on both sides,” as my pastor, Fr. Carlin used to say. In other words, although Lady Bird’s family struggles financially, she comes to learn that her wealthy friends from Immaculate Heart have struggles too, yet their struggles are often hidden behind nice cars, tanning beds and big houses. We human beings tend to compare the darkest parts of our lives with the brightest parts of others lives, but the truth is that no one’s life is perfect and everybody struggles. (These struggles show up brilliantly in three consecutive scenes in Lady Bird: Danny’s apology and confession to Lady Bird; Fr. Leviatch’s enterance into treatment for his depression; Lady Bird and her classmates receiving their ashes at Ash Wednesday Mass, as they’re reminded, “You are dust, and to dust you shall return.”)
Chastity brings happiness; promiscuity does not. Like all of us, Lady Bird wants to love and she wants to be loved. And like most teenagers, she believes that these desires will ultimately be fulfilled in a romantic relationship. Her very first boyfriend Danny is from a large Irish-Catholic family, and Danny treats Lady Bird with great respect and loves her chastely. Under the stars one night she tells him, “You can touch my boobs. ” He informs her that he respects her too much for that. The relationship between Lady Bird and Danny is chaste, and the fruit of their chaste love is their happiness. In scenes together they laugh and smile and generally enjoy each other and each other’s company. (An unfortunate incident of Danny’s infidelity leads to their breakup.) A little while later Lady Bird falls for Kyle (Timothee Chamalet), a self-absorbed, anarchist bad boy who deflowers Lady Bird on a Sunday afternoon in an act that literally lasts fewer than twenty seconds. Lady Bird assumed that the act was the first for both of them, only to discover that Kyle had been with six other young women before. To this news she responds, “I just had a whole experience that was wrong!” Our bodies matter and what we do with them matters, and this is especially true in the sexual realm. Chastity is good for us and promiscuity is not, and this reality is on full display in Lady Bird.
We pay attention to that which we love. Although not Catholic herself, Greta Gerwig attended Catholic high school and has had some wonderful things to say about the sisters who ran her school. The sisters who staff Lady Bird’s Immaculate Heart come off with great aplomb and are the real heroes of the film. In fact, I would argue that Sr. Sarah Joan (Lois Smith), the school principal, is the only redeemed and truly virtuous character in Lady Bird. In a wonderful conversation with Sr. Sarah Joan, Lady Bird begins to understand the dynamic at work between love and attention. We pay attention to the things that we love. If you want to know what someone loves, listen to what she talks about and study how she invests her time. Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there also your heart will be” (Mt. 6:21). So what is your treasure? A good way to figure it out is to consider what you wake up thinking about, what occupies your thoughts during the day, and what’s on your mind as you try to fall asleep. God pays attention to us and our brothers and sisters because God loves all of us. We find our happiness in loving God and loving others, in giving our attention to God and to others, not to things, power and wealth. The French philosopher and mystic, Simone Weil, boldly wrote, “Attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as prayer.”
You don’t need to be in a romantic relationship to experience love, but you do need authentic friendship.Thoroughly disappointed by her first sexual encounter and knowing in the depths of her being that it was the furthest thing from an act of love, Lady Bird longs to be with people who really love her and with people whom she really loves. Where does she find this true love? She finds it in non-romantic relationships with her best friend Julie (Beanie Feldstein), with Sr. Sarah Joan and ultimately with her parents, specifically her mom. The culture tells us a big lie when it promises that our deepest desires will be fulfilled through romantic relationships. It is true that we are all made for love, but that love doesn’t have to be romantic, and often times it is not. Sr. Sarah Joan is the happiest character in Lady Bird; her life is filled with compassion, joy and serenity, and not in some naïve way. The prank Lady Bird plays on her – hanging a “Just Married to Jesus” sign on the back of her car – reveals the source of Sister’s true happiness; she’s been the bride of Christ for forty years. (It’s a wonderful display of celibacy and Gerwin ought to be recognized for it.) And after ditching Kyle on prom night, Lady Bird teams up with her best friend Julie and they go to prom together, not as romantic partners, but as best friends, in a genuine, loving, sisterly friendship. Finally, by the end of the film Lady Bird, who reclaims the name her parents gave her, also reclaims her parents the two people in her life that love her most, that loved her into being.
There’s a lot to love about Lady Bird, but these are the seven things that I love most.